A Chapter from the Sea

My daughter was conceived at sea. Her time in the womb was not broken by any rumblings of traffic, by any strident car horns. My sight, my being, my mind was filled with light, white colour. Brilliant blues, a pale sky fringed by grey squalls along the horizon. She barely moved inside me. Perhaps she could sense no one at all. Her tiny consciousness only aware of the gentle movements of her heavy mother, pulling herself along the boat, swinging gently from handholds to rest in the cockpit. Our murmur of voices pulsed around her, coming to her as conversation in a library, in muffled, hushed voices. Broken songs, interrupted guitar, laughter. It all brushed her memory as she lay floating easily inside me. 

Our cabin was my solace. The large cabin was curvature in its shape, the bed dominating the small space - large by comparison to other yachts.  I would often lie there, small gusts of available breeze softly puffing their way through the gap in the hatch, the footsteps of the three boys creaking the deck above me, conversations whispering their way down. I crouched, bent over, one ear crooked towards their talk, wondering what I would hear, what men talk of when they think no woman is listening, but their talk never surprised me, never brought me to my knees, made me fall onto the wide bed, laughing. They spoke of simple things, of B grade American movies, of actresses they thought were beauties, nothing I didn't know, guffawed at jokes I didn't find humorous.
Alone, I would look through a drawer full of my secrets, coloured tissue paper, perfumes, scents, painted bracelets, letters from my family, boxes carefully packed with tiny sand-dollars, carefully held above my head as I kicked my way back to the boat. I read over my silk bound journals; studies of places and people, of trees, land, valleys. Seedpods from Costa Rica rested next to driftwood found on Galapagos. Comfortably wedging a pillow behind me, the boat to leeward, I unpacked each drawer, examining my treasures before organising and placing them carefully back. Creating some new order of mine below deck.